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I went to watch The Wolverine today and formed a few opinions during the movie, which could all be summed up into a single line: HE WASN’T SHIRTLESS ENOUGH.

Seriously. You would think that the director have something against Hugh Jackman’s chest. Which, by the way, is very, very sexy. Plus, just look at the advertisement for the movie:

It makes you think, “Oh look! There’s The Wolverine, and Hugh Jackman is going to look like that most of the time! Hmm, maybe I should get myself out of this stale room with half-eaten pizzas from last week and cans of Diet Coke and old copies of Tender is the Night, and spend two hours staring at his naked chest on the big screen!”

And so you drag yourself out of your room, make yourself shower and wash your hair for this festive occasion, put on some semi-presentable clothes, pay twelve bucks for a seat full of kid snot and GUESS WHAT? HE HAD HIS SHIRT ON.

It was extremely misleading for the period-having portion of the viewers. I could taste our confusion in the half sweet half salty popcorn combo that I paid another ten bucks for.

Also, what’s up with all the random deaths? At every turn, Hugh Jackman could be seen shoving his very sharply clawed (but nonetheless still sexy) hands into some short Japanese guy. Literally EVERY CORNER. What if this was real life and I happened to be a Japanese guy and I see Hugh Jackman around the corner so I go up to him and

Me (as a Japanese guy around the corner): “Hey, Hugh, how’s it go – AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH YOU STABBED ME! YOU FUCKING STABBED ME!”

Hugh Jackman: YOU WERE AROUND THE CORNER! WHY D’YA HAVE TO BE AROUND THE CORNER, HUH? AND YOU’RE JAPANESE! WHY D’YA HAVE TO COME AROUND THE CORNER AND BE JAPANESE?

Me (as a Japanese guy around the corner):*coughing and sobbing blood* But…but…I’ve been Japanese all my life…

Hugh Jackman: WHAT ABOUT CORNERS, HUH? YOU’VE AROUND THIS FUCKING CORNER ALL YOUR LIFE?

Me (as a Japanese guy around the corner): But…but… *dies*

I guess it was meant to be those guyly (or manly, whatever) action packed movies, but…I don’t know. I wished they could have taken out some of that senseless deaths. And replaced them with Hugh Jackman ripping his white wife-beater off.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

xoxo

E

P.S: This is for all you ladies who are watching this for the same reason as the rest of us:

 

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