Call me a late bloomer, but I have a bad case of youth.
By youth, I mean having-excessively-contradictory-range-of-emotions. Some mornings, I wake up loving sunshine and blue skies and wanting to make the world better place. Some mornings, I want to take a sledgehammer and smash through everything, à la Miley Cyrus in Wrecking Ball. But most mornings, I jump from one emotion to the other, usually within a span of five seconds.
Here is a typical situation:
Me: *prances around a sunny field wearing chiffon dress* I love flowers! Give me bouquets and bouquets of flowers, please! PLEASE! *throws arms into the air* LET’S DAAAAAAAAANCE AND BASK IN THE BEAUTY OF NATURE!
Me: Ugh, I hate when nature gives me bugs. Ugh.
Me: Flowers die. All things die. We are empty vessels trying to give an otherwise meaningless life some meaning by quoting words of love. And love is a chain chemical reaction that occurs in the brain, it has no purpose other than to allow human beings to create the illusion that we are more than ourselves.
Me: You know what rhymes with love? PIZZA.
Me: I hate life, but life gave me pizza.
Me: I love you, pizza. You are life.
Copy this entire situation and paste it into another topic. For example:
Me: I hate politics. I don’t want to discuss religion. I don’t know the meaning of life. I’m twenty-two, I just want to be free. But let me just say this…I don’t approve of your Republican ideas.
Me: I hate politics.
Me: You know what else starts with ‘P’?
Okay, so maybe this post has more pizza that you were expecting, but that is because right now, Pizza is my life. That’s all I have to my name, day in and day out. That, and a healthy dollop of self-loathing. I feel like I’ve been cheated by life. I feel like someone should have warned me of growing up when I was a teenager. “Going off to college, kid? Here’s a packing list. Remember that you’re gonna hate life after school even more than you hated it during school! Oh, and here’s a brochure that tells you how to cope with becoming an adult. Okay, so it only has a picture of Death laughing at you with a caption that says ‘You’re Dead, Fucker’ but hey, at least you get a brochure! Free!”
Yeah, things are pretty fucked in my head right now. I should probably get off the internet and stop ignoring my responsibilities or whatever. I think I’ll go with whatever.