Hello Blog, it is I, your owner. Yes, I am alive. No, I did not perished into the sea or got ripped into shreds by a hungry alien, but I might have lost what little sanity I had because I am here trying to talk to a screen like it’s an old friend. But hey…if Kurt Vonnegut did it…

It has approximately been five months since I last logged in and I almost forgot this blog existed. In fact, I got so caught up with errythang that I did forget about it but then I remembered it again, like, two minutes ago so I’m here. I’m so terrible at being consistent, I know, but we’ve pretty much established that fact in every single blog post so let’s not talk about the obvious.

Quick updates: I made it through my first semester of grad school and apparently no one caught on that I am insane so I’m back for my second semester.

Other quick updates: My mom is fine. I finally went Apple. I got an iPhone a few months ago and also switched to a Macbook from my 6-year-old Fujitsu. RELUCTANTLY. *Gross sobbing* (Fujitsu, you served me well, you monstrous freak darling that survived multiple drops and water dunkings.)  I made some new acquaintances in school. I chopped off all my hair, all 12in, of it on a whim and my mother and every single woman above forty who knows me went crazy ape shit and would not stop talking about what a waste it was. I watched a lot of cat videos and korean dramas. (Translation: I’m very very still single.) I cried a lot over So Ji Sub and still laughs at videos of people falling down. My sons, iKon, made their debut and I’ve spent a lot of money on their albums and merchandises because I want them get the money. Kim Hanbin, don’t worry. Momma will put food on yo talented table. My memory is getting worse. I have trouble remembering faces and names and also a lot of other stuff. Today, I locked myself out of my ATM card because I forgot the PIN number (which I’ve been using for like 3 years) and keyed in the wrong numbers multiple times. I’m misreading more and more words. I haven’t read a book in two months, much less write one, because the words keep mixing into each other and it is becoming terribly hard for me to finish even a page. (Good luck for school with this dyslexia.) I wore a saffron colour blazer to work today and my colleagues had a shock because they’re not used to seeing me proper office wear. (Apparently I must dress like a drab/prostitute on normal days.) Alan Rickman died and I cried so hard the entire night, I had to take off the next day because my eyes were swollen.

And what else, what else, what else? I think that’s all. I think the real, actual reason why I’m here is because I’m kind of having a tough time but I don’t want to admit it. I always comes back to writing whenever life gets too tiring and it has been kind of tiring the past few months even if I don’t want to admit it. I can’t really pin point the source of the blues and I’ve tried to put off talking about it for the longest time because I want to be fine, I just want to be fine and be okay and be normal. And eventually I will be, but it is nice to be able write things out right now. I’ve got make sure that I didn’t misspell things and look really really hard to make sure the words aren’t jumbled together, but for some reasons writing is much easier than reading. If only the words don’t jumble together when I am reading, I can read properly again.

Ah, here I am again. I start off with one topic and end on another. But it’s nice to write, even if I can’t read what I’ve written. I hope it’s all correct.

 

Love,

E

 

 

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