First day of school

I’m having my first class at 6.30pm.

I bought a new bag and new clothes and new shoes (all in the name of education, of course) and I’m wearing them today. Now it’s almost lunch time and I’m at my desk bouncing my knees up and down, feeling all jittery and out of wack and hoping that there will at least be ONE person in classmate who is reasonably smart and also willing to be my friend, so that we can learn together and also so that I can copy assignments from them on days when my brain disapparate faster than Ron Weasley can say Wingardium Leviosa.

I am very nervous, if you haven’t realized yet already. I can’t focus on work and I need to something with my hands and under normal circumstances, I would be texting my friends but Mel is in Malaysia and doesn’t have access to WiFi and Jess is at the US Embassy and doesn’t have access to her phone, and I don’t wanna text other friends because they’re not used to my nervous breakdowns and would probably end up saying things that makes me feel even worse, so here I am on a blog, writing. Which is something I always turn to/end up doing in my times of need. Thank god for blogs and papers and other shits that have been putting up with writers’ with word vomits. Is there a proper word for word vomit? I don’t know. I should probably Google it but I can’t seem to be able to find the calm to reach for my mouse and click somewhere else other than a page where I can type and type and type.

OH GOD. WHAT IF I COMPLETELY SUCK IN CLASS. What if I fail??? I’M ON A HALF SPONSORSHIP FROM SCHOOL AND ALSO PLANNING TO TAKE THE DISSERTATION ROUTE, I NEED AT LEAST A B+ FOR ALL MY MODULES I CANNOT FAIL. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if I did fail, I know, but still. I don’t wanna end up on the streets, twerking my butt and shaking my boobs to a dollar bill. Not that there is anything wrong with being a stripper, by the way. Especially if you enjoy being one. I read somewhere that really good strippers make up to $10,000 a month? Like whut? That is more money that I will ever get in a month in this decade, even on my stupid Master’s degree. Plus, it has been scientifically proven that if you’re a stripper, you have a higher chance of dating Richard Gere. So, maybe being a stripper isn’t all that bad. Except if you’re someone who gets cold really easily, like me.

Also, I’m wearing yellow. Is yellow a good color to wear on a first day???? I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW. GGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. I GONNA MAKE MYSELF SOME CAMOMILE TEA.

Advertisements

Grad school

Good morning.

It is two a.m. right now, and I am awake because I fell asleep for ‘a quick nap’ in the evening and woke up just before midnight. I’m not so sure about the rest of the world but I hate waking up from naps because I’m always disoriented as fuck. My brain basically just turns into a nine-year-old the moment I wake up and I’m always like I’m dizzy and hungry and is this earth, what is life and where is my mom? and the general feeling of suckiness doesn’t usually go away for the next 34580238940 hours.

Anyway, my point is that I took a late nap and couldn’t go back to sleep so here I am trying to work on a new story idea and doing everything else but that. Because I’ve been relatively absent over the past month (more like year, actually) here’s a lowdown of life as it is so far:

1. Still unpublished, unbuplished, unbublished.

2. My mom’s doing great with her giant fight against cancer (almost 90% percent of her tumors are gone)

3. but she likes to play it up sometimes to get what she wants (which she is allowed to, simply because cancer is an asshole and people who have undergone chemo should be given fucking medals)

4. and one of the things she wants most right now is for me to go to grad school

5. which I sort of applied half-heartedly just to appease her

6. and surprisingly, I got an offer of admission,

7. which leads me to my current predicament and the subject of my nightmares: going back school.

I hate school. I mean, I don’t hate hate school, like I don’t want to blow up the buildings or kill the professors or anything like that. If anything, I think it is great that people go to institutions so that they can grow and gain knowledge and learn how not to be shitty little assholes (although some people might have missed this point completely). I’m all for continuous learning. I just, you know, don’t actually want to have to study. Because it sucks. And also because I hate studying. But mostly because it sucks. Yeah, I’m very good at giving good, credible arguments. It’s surprising how nobody has approached me to be a lawyer.

There’s a part of me that’s like, “Hey, it’ll be good for you. You’ll be learning how to think more strategically instead of just being a foot soldier, and you’ll be in a class full smart, independent people whom you can learn from and you’ll be doing researches and thesis papers and publishin your dissertation in journals. You’ll be acting like an adult for once instead of just acting like a giant kid who’s turning 18 for the 6th year in a row.”

But there also that other part of me that’s like, “Ugh, no. *Please excuse me while I go lie in bed for the next 37 hours and ignore my life’s responsibilities.*”

These two parts have been at loggerheads for the past few weeks ever since I found out that I got in. I mean, I already accepted the offer so I guess I’m actually going to have to put actual effort into life for once but the very idea of it is just so…UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Even now, writing about it makes me want to throw myself at a wall, which is something I’ve done once because this person jumped out at me from behind a door and I got frightened. I think I walked around with a bruise on my forehead for days.

I’m sorry I’m always so whiny on this blog. And that the blog url is misleading because there are actually no puns. I hate puns. I mean, I don’t hate hate them. I find them funny in a HAHA-OMG-SOMEBODY-STOP-THIS-PERSON kind of way, which doesn’t even make sense to me right now because I’m too groggy from this strange nap-disorientation thing I have going on. I think I’ll go back to bed.

Goodnight, world. Lights out. Peace. Ta-ta. Buh-bye.

Ei

Poor Ron: In Which Everyone Completely Underestimates Ron Weasley, Even His Creator (Part 1)

If By Yes

Recently, JK Rowling admitted in an interview with Emma Watson that she sometimes regrets putting Ron and Hermione together romantically. Like the rest of us, she wonders whether bumbling, incompetent, lazy Ron could really have made the industrious and brilliant Hermione happy.

That made me really sad. Because the last couple times reading through the series, I’ve been paying attention to Ronald Weasley, and I’ve realized something:

Yes, Ron is lazy. Yes, Ron buggers off on Harry twice. Yes, Ron has inferiority problems. Yes, Ron is flawed.

But Ron is also the most underestimated character in the series.

Ron is continually underestimated by Hermione, by Harry, by his family… he even underestimates himself.

If you actually WATCH Ron, you start to notice things.

Ron Is Smart

We all remember how Ron saved the day in the first book by winning the game of chess against McGonnagle’s giant chess set. If…

View original post 2,491 more words

I can’t function before 9 am

Tags

, , , , , ,

Life update: a little bit more dysfunctional than usual because I had to wake up at 4.30 this morning to send mom to the airport and also because I’ve been sick for the last two weeks and have drank quite a bit of cough syrup and paracetamol and they’re making me super drowsy.

My first thought when I woke up was I can’t do this. There are some great things I am meant for but mornings aren’t one of them. And then I spent ten minutes dozing off and then another ten being blinded by my handphone screen while I send out a tweet. In the washroom, it took me about seven centuries to figure out how to open a tube of toothpaste because it seemed as though my eyes had been glued shut and my fingers replaced by flimsy rubber gloves.

Reached work an hour early but I haven’t done anything productive and it’s now 9 am. Jeremy from the next table has asked me twice if I’m okay because I’ve been blowing my nose quite loudly. I’ve forgotten all and every form of social etiquette, and have decided to spend my life being an utter brat. Also, I’m writing in a really strange tone, I can’t figure myself out. I’m going off to the office toilet to take nap.

Don’t even know what I’m doing right now,

Ei

Can

Life update: Weird itches and NaNoWriMo

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in three months but – BUT – BUUUUUUUUUT, please allow me to make up for that with an embarrassing story of my own stupidity.

1. Two weeks ago, I sat down on a treadmill while trying to wrap a present (long story) and then broke out in hives ten minutes later. By hives, I’m not just talking about the small red ones. These are the big angry ITCHY ones that sprout all over your body and make you scratch enough for people to think that you have a goddamn disease. I first tried to get rid of them using hand cream. Surprise, surprise, it didn’t work. So then I went to the office first aid box and found some (just a few months expired) lotion that was supposed to help with rashes and insect bites so I rubbed them happily all over my leg. It did work for a little while, but when I look down a few minutes later, MY ENTIRE LEG WAS STAINED YELLOW FROM THE LOTION. I looked like a freaking extended family member of the Simpsons from waist down. I rushed to the doctor’s during lunch and here was how the conversation went:

Doctor (writing on my patient card): They look like allergic reactions or bed bug bites. Did you eat anything wrong or sleep in a different bed? 

Me: No, but I sat down on a treadmill. 

Doctor: You sat on a treadmill and…? 

Me: I broke out in hives. 

Doctor (stops writing): Are you trying to tell me that you broke out in hives because you’re allergic to the treadmill?

Me: It happens…right?

As it turned out, no it doesn’t happen and the doctor assured me about seventy-five times that I didn’t have an allergy to treadmills OR exercise OR sweat and that there was no need for me to avoid exercising for the next ten years. Bummer. I was sent home with a prescription for bed bug bites (apparently bed bugs live everywhere, even on exercise machines) and the understanding that I am a huge gigantic dork.

2. Also, I tried participating in NaNoWriMo this year. For those don’t know what that is…go google it. I’m too lazy to explain. My aim was to write the world’s bestest most fucking awesome novel in A MONTH and win the Nobel Prize for Literature next year or the year after, but as it turned out…well, it didn’t turn out anyway. I couldn’t hit my goal for 50k words. I managed to go up to 30k+ before realizing that my story was shit and abandoning the project. Since then, I’ve been an utterly unproductive potato and finished all four seasons of Game of Thrones in four days. I’ve also considered the prospects of leaving my job and getting myself a sugar daddy to pay for my student loans but I’m having difficulty find a man that doesn’t need me to A) Sleep with him, B) Or Meet him, C) Or ever talk to him and D) is willing to transfer me endless supply of dollars through an untraceable account for my efforts in doing nothing. If you know such a man, please contact me at my blog email. Thank you.

Quick question for anyone who sees this: were your 20s such a big disaster too?

Love,

E

Everyone has something to say

The amount of times I’m thinking, “Uuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” in my head while someone is trying to tell me what they think about Asians or people or ponies or stuffs or whatever is getting out of hand. It’s probably very rude but uuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *insert rebellious expression* uuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cancer Night Tonight

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

As part of my Gradual Breakdown process, I’m re-watching a shit ton of cancer movies tonight. Funny how when I watched them pre-Mom’s-cancer, I thought they were just sad, but now they are sad AND true, which makes them even sadder. Here’s the list, in case anyone wants to share the experience:

1. Now Is Good – my favorite of the bunch. Tessa is probably how I am right now.

2. A Little Bit of Heaven

3. The Fault in Our Stars – John Green, yada yada

4. A Walk to Remember

5. My Sister’s Keeper

6. Stepmom

7. P.S I Love You

8. The Last Song – Miley Cyrus before twerking

9. About Time – Not about cancer, but I’m going to watch it anyway because it’s one of my favorite movies ever from the soundtrack to the romance

10. Titanic – Because Jack dies in spite of the fact that the huge ass door can fit two people

How’s your Friday night looking?